Ati Cashless transport? woi!
I am a self proclaimed hustler, and proud of that fact. I’m proud of my ghetto roots and the culture that we have developed of always looking for a better deal.
For example, when I go to the shop I have an ‘Indian like’ instinct of finding a better deal and always yell “Discount baana”. Even when I have the privilege of finally visiting a supermarket I’m always on the lookout for stuff is on special offer or try to get the cashier to give me a discount “I’ve bought five chewing gums…. Give me a quantity discount baana!”
Part of my culture and survival is dependent on public transport. You see, the last time I paid actual fare was back in 2010. How do I do this? Good question. I will introduce you to a famous quote from Rastafari Shakespeare who resides in Githurai….. “Mwanaume ni Ku adapt kama Chameleon” (For the non-swahili readers, this means that you should go to school and do a short swahili course)
My adaptation methods include stuff like “Haiya, I left my wallet home….. Let me alight here and walk back”, or I just market the matatu for the conductors and help him get some passengers (Yes, I’m that man you have seen in a suit shouting “Beba beba beba…..”
Now that the government wants to introduce a cashless system in the transport system, life I’d going to be harder. The game will change forever. First of all, we will have broke drivers and conductors. Yes, everyone knows that conductors take extra cash from their routine collections. Its a fact. As a result, the local alcohol industry will collapse….. Don’t ask me why, but ask KRA about revenue and you will see.
How will I survive with my meagre salary now? The fare money. Eat in to my kibanda and mutura money rendering these two suppliers potentially jobless. At this rate I will be broke for the next 5 years and won’t be able to get a girlfriend…… Aki serikali saidia!
